I will admit that I thought this man was ridiculous. My initial reaction was something of the “How can you do that? They’re in love and who are you to deny them happiness?” variety. It doesn’t surprise me that everyone in the community freaked out, either, what with everyone trying to prove that their not racist so whenever someone shows even the slightest bit of color preference they’re publicly condemmed. Of course, they could always find someone else to marry them; it was just this man’s reaction that got everyone in an uproar. But Sam’s right, this man isn’t showing racisim, he’s treating everyone the same.

I can understand this better through the point of everyone’s discomfort in adopting a child of a different ethnicity than their own. I personally have no problem with raising a child that’s different from me, I positively adore children, it was the being inpregnated with another child that made me slightly uncomfortable. That reaction is evoltionary, though. Women aim to find someone whose genes are similar enough to theirs that the body doesn’t recognize the child as an infection, but different enough to be unrelated, which is a pretty tricky balancing act, and mixing races plays on that evolutionary instinct. 

However, evolution does not explain why people still look at a child from an interacial marriage with their heads cocked to the side. He probably comes from a very deep south family, you know, the kind that most definitely had slaves in its past. In addition, he doesn’t seem like the type of guy that would be racist, he says that he doesn’t discriminate against people of different races, he marrys black people in his own house, he said. Its just interracial ones he refuses to do for the sake of the children. It’s not an opinion he says he has, its just one he knows other people have. He thinks he’s doing the right thing. 

 He’s only acknowledging that it does exist in the world and he doesn’t want a child’s difficult life to be on his conscience. Someone elses, however, by all means. I mean, he’s not picketing the cause or anything, it’s just something that he believes in and is implimenting in the world through his day-to-day actions without forcing his opinions on anyone.

Is “What were they thinking?”  the question to be answered here? Because, to answer that bluntly, they weren’t.  In reference to the picture someone probably thought they were funny. Mucho fail on their part. The person who made it was probably really excited to post it, too, which is the really sad part.

Banana eating jungle monkey? Really? What are you, six? No sir, you don’t treat everyone with dignity and respect, but you keep telling yourself that to make yourself feel better, while you wish for the whole world turns its head to your stupidity. Kthxbai.

The crack to Michelle deserves the same comment as the above knucklehead.  You may think you’re funny but you’re not. Why would you say something like that, especially being someone who’s in the public eye that way? Frankly he got all that he deserved with that one.

I think that the comment about how the things that are in your mind are what escape from your mouth was hitting the nail on the head.  I think that most people think these things and only voice them when they don’t feel socially pressured to contain them. And because of those same social pressures, and because people feel so convicted for having the thoughts that they have, they’re also extremely quick to convict someone else, an example being the “niggardly” case. Which brings me to my next point.

I think at some primal level, humans spend most of their time trying to outdo other humans. (The ‘we’re all just monkeys’ video just started playing in my head. Ha. Connections, connections.)  Race is a ready-made way to compare, and with the stereotypes and derrogatory thoughts attached, it’s easy to turn to that to place yourself on top of that social pedestal, especially for something that someone else cannot change about themselves.  I don’t think that some of these people say these things with the ultimate intent of putting down another race, but in a fervent attempt to feel better about themselves. This is, in a word, pathetic.  Also, for a lot of the elderly in this country, it was something that they grew up around. My own grandparents being of no exception, they were raised with racist parents or around children who had racist parents and were taught those feelings. The roots of indoctrination run deep, and it’s difficult to get rid of those thoughts, regardless of current social norm.

fighting with my mom sucks.

I have things I need to do before I leave and she's working the whole week before I go back. and I can't even suck it up and ask my dad because he's going to kansas for the third week in a row and my mom's pissed about that. and now he's going to france and she's pissed about that too because she doesn't want him to go, and he wants her to go along, but she doesn't have a passport, can't take off work, and i don't know if she wants to go or not, but they fight about it ALL THE TIME. and he goes away so often that now she's just saying he should stay there weekends so he doesn't come home and bitch and sit around and do nothing and make the rest of us feel like shit, and that makes him feel like shit so then he's in a bad mood, and all i try to do is stay out of the way so i don't get yelled at, but i'm started to think about the stuph that I have to get done, and no one's gunna be here during the week to do them and i'm going to david's tmrw and she's just. guh.


I need to get the fuck out of here, but in order to do that I need to get my shit together and survive the next week.

And i'm trying to cram as much friend time into the next week as i can, but then my mom gets angry because i'm not home practicing or running, or packing, when what is there to pack, really? All i have to do is fill a tupperware container with my stereo and all the stuff from my room and then a suitcase full of my clothes, and then i'm ready to go back. Like. There's nothing really huge to do still. We're buying food and stuff when we get there tuesday, all i need is to get my hair cut and my roots done and to buy a comforter before we go back. THATS ALL. and now we can't go because we can't do it tmrw because i'm going to david's.  

because tmrw's the only day we can go. becaus I can't sit down at a computer and look at them with her tonight and then go get it with brittney next week.

Nope. Can't do that.

Because why?

Because my mom's psycho and pissed at my dad for going to france and just has to take her anger out on everyone else because she's cinical that way.

but what the fuck ever.

I'll survive the next week, and I'll get my shit together, and I'll get the fuck out of here.







.............GUH! 

 

I don't believe
In the smile that you leave
When you walk away and say goodbye
Well I don't expect
The world to move underneath me but for God's sake could you try
I know that you're true to me
You're always there, you say you care
I know that you wanna be mine

[Chorus]
Where is your heart
Cause I don't really feel you 
Where is your heart
What I really want is to believe you
Is it so hard to give me what I need
I want your heart to bleed
That's all I'm asking for
Where is your heart?

I don't understand
Your love is so cold
It's always me who's reaching out for your hand
I've always dreamed
That love would be effortless
Like a petal falling to the ground
A dreamer following his dream

[Chorus:]
Where is your heart
Cause I don't really feel you 
Where is your heart
What I really want is to believe you
Is it so hard to give me what I need
I want your heart to bleed
That’s all I'm asking for
Where is your heart?

[Bridge:]
It seems so much is left unsaid (so much is left unsaid)
But you can say anything 
Oh, anytime you need 
Baby, it's just you and me, oh yeah

I know that you're true to me 
You're always there, you say you care 
I know that you wanna be mine 

[Chorus:]
Where is your heart
Cause I don’t really feel you 
Where is your heart
What I really want is to believe you
Is it so hard to give me what I need
I want your heart to bleed
That’s all I’m asking for

I HATE greyhound busses. Just ....to let  you know. It was long and stupid and I hated it.

and they dropped me off in the wrong spot. and thad couldn't find me. bahaha. And then we went to King's to eat. Whatever that is. lol And he took me to his school and We drove home from there. We watched Role Models and then.... ::sigh:: WENT to bed.

so to speak.

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

And then got up this morning after I had the weirdest night. I basically followed him at the pool today like I was his shadow, but I did get to talk to his friend Amiee. She's bit like me and lifeguards. I liked that a lot about her. O:)  I'm superfical. But its okay. we were friends. I needed a girl to laugh with. It was a big part of my day. And then I met his friend Gina. The one that's in love with him. Yeah. She thinks i'm pretty. and she's jealous. and BAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
 
Yeah. made my life.

But what DIDN'T was that... courtney likes thad. and .... she can't be friends with him anymore because he's more than a friend to her and she's not that to him and its hurting her. and its hurting him too... but there's nothing he can do about it because he doesn't feel that way and .... I feel threatened? And like i'm in the way? Elly said i'm not theatened because he already said no. But like...courtney WAS my friend, or at least I thought she was, now i'm thinking she was just subconsciously doing the "What does she have that I don't have?" thing. Or enemies closer. Idk. I just.... like. Want to help. But I'm part of the problem. So its difficult for me. And i don't know what else to tell him. Because... like... he's a wicked likable kid. people just take that the wrong way. and he hurts people. and... i feel bad, but at the same time, i'm happy where I am with him and I dont want to say anything he can use against me... like.. you know? buh. I just don't know. anymore.

kay.

I think im done now. Its been real, yo.

what's the difference between an orange? A bicycle because a <something> has no wheels.

BICYCLE BECAUSE A VEST HAS NO SLEEEEEEEEEEEEVES.
 

that is really weird. that those were the three most comforting places I could think of... Probably because everyone feels weightless in Ty's arms, Britt's my sister, and.... and Nick's my husband. bahaha. Remember that? Oh jeez. that was such a long time ago. And Doctor Footballpro has a girlfriend now. yucko. lol. Wish I could have seen him this summer, though.
 

There I go, talking like its over. Well it is! August is like the home stretch. Not even. Here are two weeks we're gunna give you to get all your shit together before its COLLEGE TIME AGAIN!!! I'm so excited to go back, but at the same time...there's so many things i haven't done yet...so many people I haven't gotten to spend time with. Like CARISS and MEGAN. I'm doing something with them when I get back. and hanging out with

KATT MARTIN.

Because I miss her. 

Twiff's all afraid that when we get up to State we're gunna forget her. HAHAH. Like that's possible. She's gunna be adopted immediately. Forget her. Thats ridiculous. Silly Twiff.

I'm excited for SAI. I was nervous because of Blue Band and classes. but my classes next semester are AWESOME. I'm only taking two real classes, and I have THREE HOURS between class and blue band. And my dorm is AWESOMELY PLACED. i'm so pumped. Pumped doesn't even begin to cover it. BAH.

I'm going to thad's house tmrw. Like tomorrow. Like i'm getting on a bus and I'm driving for seven hours and then i'll be at his houseeeeeee. for DAYS. ugh. i'm so scared.

is that weird? Like. I'm not really scared. But I know me. I know i SHOULD be scared. and like...i'm not feeling the scared yet. But I will. As SOON as I go to lay down. It'll be there. Buh.

Busses.

Boys.

Mothers. >,<

Okay. sleep time. <3

 

Have always been a little shy.

I've always been the quiet type til now

And I, I, I 

I never let my feelings show

I never let anybody now just how much I was so deep in love

But now that you're in my arms

I'm gunna stand on the rooftop

Climb up a mountain top, baby, scream and shout. 

I wanna sing it on radio, show it on a video baby, leave no doubt

I want the whole world to know just what i'm all about.

I'd love to love you out loud.

You. Keep bring out the free in me.

what you do to my heart just make me melt.

And I, I, I

I don't think I can resist,

But i've never been one to kiss and tell.

But its pretty down here. and everyone has southern accents. and I want to marry one.. and then take him back home with me to my land of ICE compared to here.

I told my Tia, I was like "Tia! There are days at my house where I don't NEED to turn the AC on! AT ALL!" and she was GASP SHOCK APPALL!  yeah. that happened.

...I think there's something wrong with me. anyway.

Uhhmmmm. I have lip gloss on. And dream catcher earrings. Doesn't that sound a little out of character? We went to walmart today and.... Vovo came AAFFTTERRR Tia and I bitched about her in her room for about a half hour. Awesome. And now the women are cooking dinner, and my dad's watching braveheart and i left my phone DOWNSTAIRS b/c... i get yelled at whenever I pick the damn thing up. because i'm on "a family vacation, damnit," and i'll "be with my family even if its by force," SO.

yeah. Can't stop me from using the computer though. :)

twenty days. twenty twenty twenty. i'm so excitied. I'm soooo like... deprived its horrible. At least I get to hear his voice sometimes, I went 16 days before w/o hearing him talk, i almost forgot how he sounded, but now its like ... at the front of my mind. I keep having dreams about him too. Like my subconsious KNOWS. I'm soo excitied. To see him. I'm not saying i'm not excited to see beau and i'm not excited to see zellis and i'm not MOTHER EFFING PUMPED TO SEE THE HARRY POTTER MOVIE but I'm most excited to see him. And Elly dearest will probably get angry with me because (#1, she'll be pmsing and we ALL KNOW how LOVELY she is when that happensssss. but # 2) she'll be all boyless. Idk. i'm going to try my best to placate her that weekend so we can enjoy it as much as possible.

As my dearest Mr. Tromantina says "You can either be happy, or you can be right. You can't have both."  So the weekend of camping, i'm going to give up the right part and just be a rock. chillin at the bottom of a river. letting everything flow over me. With my other rock next to me. Because I GET TO SEE HIM IN 20 DAYS!!

...yes thad. I just called you a rock. hahahahahhhah.

but yeah. I had to go on facebook today cause I keep talking about him and Tia didn't know what he looks like so i was like "here!!! lemmi show you!!!" so she saw a bunch with just him and then with me and him, and she had me print three out: The one from the band banquet before I put "Subtle Love" on it, because  she likes that i'm all dressed up and pretty and that he's super close to me. The one of us on the ferris wheel with us facing backwards because I look like Vovo when she was younger. And the one of us when we were in Mr. Z's and I was holding up Egg beaters makin a face because she said I look just like her. So. Three pictures. Of my Thaddeus and Me. Fantastic.

i'm SOOO happy I finally get to see my tia again. I missed her so much. When I was little, i used to lay in my bed and cry because of how much I missed her. all the time i'd do that. I don't anymore. Obviously. But. ::shrug::

You know... I brought my ACTUAL journal because I thought since I was on vacation i'd write in it. I don't know where all this energy is coming from but i'm starting to get a little frightened because it doesn't seem to be going away. I just left thad this HUUGGEEEEE message on facebook. It started to be a wall post and then it got too long so i decided to make it a message. And its like. As long as this journal post. anyway.

UHHHHMMMMMMMM  I think i'm gunna go back downstairs now and see if I can't steal more cucumbers. >.<

TWENTY DAYS! I'M SO EXCITED!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

And my tia seems to think that we're going to stay  up all night and do girl things.

I love her so much. I miss her so horribly. Maybe I can suck it up just this once and sleep like a rock tonight. In Alyssa's bed. Bah. I've never been so pumped for sleep before. lol.

Sooooo now thad's about... 20 hours away instead of the normal five.  major assmar suckage.

annnnnnnnd. The day I leave ist he day there's a wicked storm home. Wtf mates.

Awesome dream last night. Too bad it ended.

I went to bed around 12:30, and I was woken up at three because my dad's alarm didn't go off. And we were out of the house by four. And then... I... don't think I actually slept, really. I may have sorta. But not really. I slept some, but it couldn't've been more than a couple of hours.

AND NOW WE'RE IN 98 DEGREE WEATHER. IN SOUTH CAROLINA! AND I'M HERE WITH MY TIA!!! 

man. If I didn't have a cat waiting for me home, and a school with my boy on it, I would... probably stay here.

...as long as theirs central air, I'M GOOD. lol.

Kay. i'm gunna go back downstairs. Joey gets to sleep up here. Lucky duck with the computer. not that he's gunna use it, little kid got less sleep than I did. BUUUTTTTT.

THREE WEEKS UNTIL CAMPING!!!  I'm so excited. lol.

<3 30/21 <3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Being loyal is most difficult when you don't know where your heart is.


 

I want to cry every time I hear this song..... David showed it to me, like... years go. But I love it. So much.

 

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word


And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye


Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before
All you can do is try to know Who your friends are
As you head off to the war


Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back When it's over
No need to say good bye


You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye
  Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too 
Doesn't mean that you have to forget


Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye


You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

I'm so addicted to all the things you do
when you roll around with me in between the sheets
I love the sounds you make with every breath you take
Its unlike anything when you're loving me.



oooooooh, lookie what I found. the ACTUAL lyrics are "when you're going down on me,"


Well, thats an interesting little tidbit... :p